Wellness

Weekly Photo Challenge: Lunchtime

Weekly Photo Challenge: Lunch

This makes me a little bit sad–my lunch at work.

Nothing terribly photogenic here–just some tomato soup in an old plastic container, and a mug of seltzer water with some Emergen-C, because I think I am coming down with a cold.

That would be decidedly NOT GOOD because my husband’s fortieth birthday party is this weekend and I have a lot to do!

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What I am Knitting Today

What I am Knitting Today

Yes, I jumped on the fingerless mittens bandwagon today.

Even though this is my first attempt at something like this, I realized that it really isn’t that hard…I should probably try full mittens or gloves. But I have a feeling gloves would require a lot of kitchener stitch, which, quite frankly, I don’t do very well. (Don’t look at the toes of those baby socks too closely, Marisa!)

These will be for my acupuncturist, Melissa, whether she wants them or not. She has such a wonderful soul, and I want to thank her for bringing some pain relief, better sleep and relaxation to my life. She is traveling to Nepal next month to participate in a World Healing Exchange, working with locals and Tibetan refugees. I was trying to think of something that might be useful for her in the mountains there. I will tell her if she doesn’t want them then she should give them to someone in Nepal who might need something of that sort.

The pattern is called Yak’s Fingerless Mitts (fitting, perhaps).  I used Lion Brand Homespun, colorway Edwardian.

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On Not Blogging for a Few Days

So, I have to figure out this blogging thing.

I love to write, and I have really loved having this outlet.  However, I have also found myself increasingly obsessed with things like “views” and “visitors”.  I am naturally competitive, especially against myself, so I am always trying to push my number higher.  I would write every day–maybe two or three times a day, and constantly check my stats.

It was beginning to seem like a second job.  Overjustification effect–when you already like to do something (like write) and then are rewarded by it (by visitors and views) it decreases to desire to perform the behavior.

I forced myself to take a few days off.  I have been ridiculously busy anyway–for some reason, this weekend became an out and about weekend for my husband and I, who are normally rather home-body-ish.  There is this amazing new brewery a block or two from our house…it is awesome and itis “yikes” because it is soooo easy to stop in any old time.

desert mountain

Home away from home.
photo by Kelley Christensen

We went to the high school’s academic endowment ball.  We went out to eat.  We went to the bar our friends own up the line.  We went to an Irish bar to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  We went to our neighbor’s for corn beef and cabbage.  And beer.  Wowzers.  A busy weekend for sure!!!

I would have these pangs of guilt–feeling like I really needed to write a blog post.  I even knew what I was planning to write about.  Then I thought–life is about living, not writing it down.

I enjoyed my weekend immensely.  I will write a new blog post tomorrow.  I will not fret over the enormous dip in visitors and views.  This isn’t a competition.  I will live life first, and write about it second.  Maybe.  If I have time.

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Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

That’s a misleading title.  I know exactly why I can’t lose weight.  I know exactly what I need to do.  Maybe after spelling it all out, seeing it in black and white, I will be encouraged to make the changes I need to make.

I have always thought I was fat.  Even when I was 17 and 85 pounds (I’m 4’11”), I thought I needed to lose weight.   Part of this comes from being built like a two by four–all straight up and down, not a waist to be seen.  In high school I was using appetite suppressants, until my friend Dan saw them in my locker and threw them away.  The beginnings of some awesome body dysmorphic disorder.

anorexia

I gained my 15+ pounds in college, subsisting on french fries and pizza.  Fifteen pounds on a short person is like thirty on everyone else, I swear.  I lost the 15 pounds.  I gained slowly through the end of college and into my first years teaching; by the time I was married I weighed the most I ever have.  Luckily, my husband (who knew me when I was 85 pounds) didn’t care.  I cared, though.

About a year before my son was born, I went to the doctor and received a prescription for weight loss medication that was all the rage at the time.  I lost weight.  I was almost down to where I wanted to be; it was awesome but it still wasn’t good enough.  I still couldn’t reach that elusive goal weight that I set for myself.  So, I had babies, gained, lost, gained then lost again.  About 4 years ago I was probably in the best shape of my life. Then I was derailed by National Board Certification and have yet to get back on track. (If you’ve done National Boards for teaching, you know that there is about a two month period when ALL you do is work on your portfolio–bye bye Bow Flex.)

I don’t really need to know what to do–I’ve done plenty of research, tried and failed with the quick fixes, cleanses, etc.  I just need to do it.  And I need to love myself a little more for what my body can do.  I grew two human beings, after all.

So here, in black and white are my problem areas:

1.  I love food, mostly food that is really not good for me.  I love processed meat like bacon and  salami and pepperoni.  Cheese makes me giddy.  Haagen Daaz chocolate ice cream is my ambrosia.  I love bread and pasta.  I crave fried food.  I covet creamy sauces and soups.  I like my beer.  I know the answer is to eat less of that and eat the healthy, delicious food that will fill me up and keep me healthy.

bacon-porn-2

2.  I hate cardiovascular exercise.  I can strength train for days.  I love yoga.  I enjoy walking.  I need to move, though.  I need to get my heart rate up for extended periods of time, and quite frankly, if I even have a slightly better offer, I will take it.

3.  I drink beer.  Maybe one or two every night.

I don’t want to reach some magic “everything will be perfect at this weight” weight.  I just want to fit into the clothes in my closet.  I want to not hate myself for my lack of control, my laziness, and my gut.

Here are the things I’m doing right:

1.  I quit smoking 4 years ago.

2.  I quit drinking Diet Coke.

3.  I increased my garden size by 100%.

4.  I started doing yoga regularly, and am walking a couple days after work with my friend and colleague.

5.  I eat breakfast every day.

6.  I joined my building weight loss challenge to keep me honest, and participate in the wellness program. For the wellness program I keep track of things like fruit and veggie intake, sleep, exercise, flossing, etc.  I turn my card in each week, and am entered into a drawing.  I actually won today…50 bucks.  Woohoo.

7.  My husband makes sure I have vegetables at every meal.

Here is my action plan:

1.  I will do at least 20 minutes of yoga 6 days a week.

2.  I will walk more–and perhaps figure out how to turn myself into a runner.

3.  I will only drink beer on weekend nights.

4.  I will start using my Bow Flex again.

5.  I will concentrate on making and eating healthy food, most of the time.

6.  I will try to remind myself that being overweight doesn’t automatically make any good qualities I have null and void.

The time to begin is now, I know.  I’m trying to not make drastic, unsustainable changes.   I’m not looking for miracles…I just want to fit into my clothes again.  I want to stop beating up on myself because of how many chins show up in a photo.  I want to enjoy every day and not waste time on negative self-image, and stop comparing my body to everyone else’s.   Is this too much to ask?

yoga-pose

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